The couple who felt unspeakable pain at the loss of one of their twins, thought of a compassionate way to help other parents!

This couple bore the pain of losing the just born little baby and then they thought of an innovative and considerate way of conveying the pain of bereaved parents, to others around. This story tells the beautiful way these parents brought about a trend in hospitals to bear this painful message on cribs – a beautiful purple butterfly.

It was common occurrence in the Smith’s family to have twins, and so Millie Smith and Lewis Cann were not in the least surprised when they were told they were expecting twins. On one of the regular check-ups, the couple was heart-broken to learn that one of the babies had anencephaly. This is a neural tube defect where the brain does not form correctly.

“During the scan, the doctor didn’t say anything. I was very excited and loved seeing the little babies, but she was silent. Both Lewis and I immediately knew there must be a problem,” Smith says. The sad fact of the matter was that the baby, named Skye, would live for perhaps, seconds, minutes at most, after birth.

“Skye was somewhere we knew she would always be, that we could look up at the sky and remember our baby,” Smith explains why she thought of naming her ill-fated baby so. In spite of being warned months in advance, nothing could have prepared them for the heartbreak, when it actually happened.

                     Millie Smith

After 30 weeks of pregnancy, on April 30, 2016, Smith had a C-section at the Kingston Hospital in the United Kingdom with a bereavement midwife in the room.

“When the girls were born, they both cried. This was a huge moment, as we were told that Skye would not make a noise or move,” Smith recalls.

Skye defied the odds as she lived for three hours. “We were cuddling Skye when she passed away. This was the worst moment in our lives” Smith says. “I have never ever felt heartbreak like that before. But I am proud that she fought for so long to spend time with us.”

After Skye’s passing, the couple had to stay longer at the hospital as they could not take the other twin, Callie, home yet.

 The staff at the hospital were extremely sympathetic and understanding towards their loss, but within four weeks, Skye was slowly forgotten.

But one day, when a parent made a remark to Smith unknowingly, Smith was hurt and decided she had to do something to make sure no other mother parent would have to bear listening to such remarks ever again.

Smith designed a purple butterfly to be placed on a newborn’s cots and incubators.

If you see one on a baby’s cot it would mean that the baby was one of the babies of a multiple birth and the other of the newborns did not survive.

                           Milli Smith

“I chose butterflies, as I felt it was fitting to remember the babies that flew away, the color purple because it is suitable for both boys or girls,” Smith explains.

It looks like a simple sticker but it can do a lot to spare grieving parents additional pain.

                           Milli Smith

Not just The Kingston hospital, but many others in the United Kingdom have picked up the concept. Feeling the need of counseling themselves, Smith and Cann have also set up the Skye High Foundation to provide bereavement counselors for parents under similar circumstances, with a hope that this foundation extends globally.

                           Milli Smith

Smith says she had seven months to prepare for Sky’s passing but still felt unimaginable pain. She wonders how families who lose their baby unexpectedly cope.

“After going through this myself I feel there is a lot more that could be done to help parents cope with the loss. Support groups, counselling, even things like the planning of the funeral, additional daisy room (special room allowing you time with your baby away from the labor ward) and much much more. All these things cost money that no family should have to pay for,” she says her reason behind setting up the Skye High Foundation.

                            Milli Smith

Understanding your own pain can bring about such sympathy and compassion for another’s!