Finally, Heinz Is Teaching Us How to Pour Ketchup Correctly

By Wire Service Content

Heinz ketchup was first introduced in 1876, which means we’ve endured almost 150 years of shaking, rattling, knife-poking and centrifuge in futile attempts to get that sweet tomato nectar out of the darn bottle.

No more! Heinz has released a new bottle that attempts to teach us, the unwashed and ketchup flow illiterate, how to finally pour correctly.

Heinz Tomato Ketchup
Heinz Tomato Ketchup in Chicago, Ill., on March 25, 2015. (Scott Olson/Getty Images)

It took them long enough.

The Pour-Perfect bottle features a label that’s on all catawampus, but the magic happens when you tilt the bottle so the label is straight.

This is what Heinz calls “the perfect pouring angle,” which will supposedly allow a reasonable flow of ketchup that neither drowns your home fries nor insults them with a single watery trickle of ketchup goo. (Raise your hand if you remember that old rhyme—”Ketchup bottle, ketchup bottle, none comes out and then a lottle.” Truer words have never been spoken.)

Heinz ketchup
Heinz ketchup is offered for sale at Armitage Produce grocery store in Chicago, Ill., on March 25, 2015. (Scott Olson/Getty Images)

The bottle is only available in Canada right now, but when word spreads that ketchup in glass bottles can actually be poured and eaten rather than just kept on the shelf for display, it will surely take off.

Then maybe we can take on ketchup packets. Their long reign of suffering must come to an end.