Jesse Jordan went on Twitter and took his dog to task for failing at the only responsibility he holds.
“My idiot furry son has one job at night,” Jordan wrote. “Bork at things and make them go away. Easy, right?”
Man claims a black bear is bribing his ‘idiot’ dog with deer bones which makes the pooch too distracted to stop the animal from raiding his trash https://t.co/6GaUxAUfOC
— Daily Mail US (@DailyMail) May 12, 2019
By the time Jordan tweeted his frustration at his dog Brickleberry, who only responds to Brick, the dog had already been bribed a couple of times, but it doesn’t seem that the bear intends on stopping, according to Jordan.
“HOWEVER, a bear has learned that my furry son can be bought,” Jordan wrote. “This is the THIRD TIME he’s been gifted deer bones in exchange for being allowed access to my trash, AND HE KEEPS DOING IT.”
Jordan added in his tweet that Brick is a “mastiff/hounds mutt with some beagle in him.”
He said that he raised Brick after Brick’s mother gave birth to a litter of pups.
“Lord Brickleberry Von Doggleburt, Son of Isis, Lord of Floof, Ommer of Nomms and Master of All He Surveys. …and protector of wee babes.”
Jordan also boasted about Brick’s wonderful qualities.
“He is great with kids and apparently bears,” he wrote.
In order to maintain cleanliness on his property, Jordan said he will have to take action and that Brick may not like it.
“Although I basically handed my dog this position of power,” Jordan wrote. “It’s become very clear that he has no idea how to actually do the job properly; now not only do I have to clean up a huge mess, I see him putting his own self-interest first. Clearly, I have no choice but to impeach him.”
Jordan posted a photo of trash that had been scattered everywhere on his porch.
After trying to take away Brick’s “ill-gotten gains,” Brick held on. Jordan said he decided to show some leniency.
“He is VERY concerned I’m going to take away his bones again,” Jordan wrote. “Which is something I am going to have to do … But I guess you can keep your ill-gotten gains for one more day, Brickleberry.
Just in case social media users were concerned about the safety of the dog sleeping outside, Jordan’s tweet clarified what black bears were like in Canada.
“I’ll leave you all with one final reminder,” Jordan wrote. “That black bears are a nuisance in northern Ontario and not typically a threat, meaning Brick is very much not likely to get eaten. If he was, I wouldn’t let him sleep outside.”
“Black bears basically act like giant raccoons and raid trash, camps, and cabins.”
Social Media Users Respond
Social media users were quick to comment on the incident.
“This just sounds like you’re not paying him enough. If the bear is offering a better deal, you can’t blame him for taking it. Capitalism,” Erin said.
Shea Flinn replied to Erin and Jordan with affirmation.
“This is the correct take, if you gave him deer bones, he would bark to protect the bones from the bear. Pay your workers!!!”
Another voice on social media, BUG, picked a bone with Jordan’s “idiot furry son” insult saying, “That socially insensitive comment wow we need a written statement apologizing to all 4 legged workforces.”
One didn’t have to scroll far down the comment thread until the first pun was made.
“So would you call this… BriBEARy?”
Another person, Juwailes, questioned the origin of the deer bones, “So is this bear pulling these deer ones out of the trash along with everything else he’s scattering there?”
“I don’t know where the deer bones are coming from, to be honest! There must be a carcass nearby. The bears around here aren’t typically known for killing deer, but they ARE known for being relentless and annoyingly persistent problem solvers,” Jordan replied.
Jordan is a writer who announced his debut novel on Twitter called “Graverobber’s Sword.”
“I’m writing a book about a graverobbing barbarian who digs up a psychic sword that wants her to be a great hero.
“She pawns it for drug money instead then tries to steal it back, and things go bad for everyone.”