Serena Williams has written an essay that included an apology for the infamous outburst she engaged in during the 2018 US Open.
Williams, 37, considered the greatest female tennis player of all time, smashed her racket and verbally attacked umpire Carlos Ramos, calling him “a liar,” after he gave her several penalties during the U.S. Open Final.
Williams lost to 20-year-old Naomi Osaka.
Williams declined to apologize at the time and was defended by her coach—who admitted to giving her illegal hand signals—and multiple tennis associations, but was criticized by tennis legend Martina Navratilova, who said Williams engaged in behavior “that no one should be engaging in on the court.”
Williams has now penned an essay that includes the disclosure that she wrote an apology to Osaka.
“This debacle ruined something that should have been amazing and historic. Not only was a game taken from me but a defining, triumphant moment was taken from another player,” Williams wrote in the essay, which was published by Harper’s Bazaar.
She said she still believes that if she was a man, she might have been treated differently. “Why can’t I express my frustrations like everyone else? If I were a man, would I be in this situation? What makes me so different? Is it because I’m a woman?” she wrote, adding that she had the thought: “Why is it that when women get passionate, they’re labeled emotional, crazy, and irrational, but when men do they’re seen as passionate and strong?”
Statistics about the number of penalties men have received in the past two decades versus the number women have received appear to undercut that thought process.
Recovering from what happened was tough, Williams added in the essay. “I couldn’t find peace,” Williams wrote. “I started seeing a therapist. I was searching for answers, and although I felt like I was making progress, I still wasn’t ready to pick up a racket.”
“Finally I realized that there was only one way for me to move forward. It was time for me to apologize to the person who deserved it the most. I started to type, slowly at first, then faster as if the words were flowing out of me,” she wrote.
She said in a message to Osaka that she was “truly sorry.”
“I had no idea the media would pit us against each other. I would love the chance to live that moment over again. I am, was, and will always be happy for you and supportive of you. I would never, ever want the light to shine away,” she added.
Williams said Osaka responded to her, writing in part: “No one has stood up for themselves the way you have and you need to continue trailblazing.”
‘Proud of Me’
Osaka revealed shortly after the September win what Williams told her while the crowd booed as they received their trophies.
“She said that she was proud of me and that I should know that the crowd wasn’t booing at me. So, I was really happy that she said that,” Osaka told Ellen DeGeneres. ”At the time I did think they were booing at me.”
Osaka said she turned away during Williams’ tirade.
“When you’re little you’re taught not to look at if your opponent gets angry, you’re told to just turn around and try to focus, so I tried to do that,” Osaka said. “But in my mind, I really wanted to know what was going on.”
Osaka told reporters she was happy.
“Because it was my first final and my first Grand Slam victory, overall I felt really happy and I know that I accomplished a lot,” she said. “I don’t think I even thought about feeling sad because there’s no experience for me to draw on (from) any other Grand Slam final.”
